It's A Gas!

Let’s take some responsibility and think about what we are selling and what it does to America.

I’m not talking about illegal drugs and firearms. We already are a society that has learned to adapt and we attempt to regulate these products.

I am flabbergasted that we have begun to accept things like Snuggies, Pajama Jeans and now, oh yes, Jumpin Jammerz: The (Ridiculous) Pajamas Built for Partying. These companies are bombarded by orders. Expect to be on back order if you are trying to get some Pajama Jeans!

Snuggies: Put your hands in the air, like you just don’t care. Now, Linus, you can take your filthy germ filled blankie with you just about anywhere. And look how happy it makes you. Get one that fits your personality — pink, polka dot, camo. Great for when you want to pry yourself off the couch and attend an athletic event (only as a spectator) and wave your hands up and down. No wardrobe change required. Now if you want to participate in a sport, you’re going to have to upgrade to Pajama Jeans or Jammerz.

Pajama Jeans: We have casual Friday’s at my place of employment. We are allowed to wear jeans on this day. They are easy to wear, they match everything, they come in a variety of sizes to fit your lifestyle. What kind of lifestyle do you have that even this casual attire does not work? A lifestyle that you need a pair of Pajama Jeans? If you can’t be bothered to zip and button, what’s next? Well Jumpin Jammerz, of course!

Jumpin Jamerz: This is it! This is the last social standard straw. Footie pajama’s for adults made for partying. They have game time Jammies, perfect for getting together with the guys in your footies! They have Rock Star Jammies, I’m not sure what these would be good for. With the exception of Woodstock, most concert goers wear day-wear. I cannot imagine Mick Jagger taking the stage in footies, pajama jeans or a snuggie. Perhaps, if they were made of leather.

America, please, I’m begging you. Save your money. On top of the over-inflated prices and shipping, the sacrifice you are making for common decency and fashion is appalling. And last, but not least, my comrades with the entrepreneurial spirit, is it worth a buck to see America dressed like a red carpet walk at a nursing home?

But it’s all right now, in fact, it’s a gas!
But it’s all right, Jumpin Jack Jammerz
It’s a gas! gas! gas!

Money, gas, time are all serious setbacks to my family in seeking holiday entertainment. Are we missing something here?

I am going to go ahead and hit the religious button (never talk religion, politics, age or weight).

For outstanding drama and comedy — and to set the scene of a non-material, true meaning of Christmas — there is no better choice than a local church Christmas program. PLUS, who doesn’t like Christmas songs?

I usually laugh and cry through these programs as I see the nervous Sunday school teacher try to keep Joseph from kicking the wise men and trying to keep everybody’s halos and wings on straight. Most of these kids should have a slightly tilted halo!

Let’s run down the excuses for NOT going:

1) Everyone looks down on me because I am not a regular member.

I know those looks from the corner of the eye, but are you going to tell me that you don’t get those standing in line at the grocery store? It doesn’t keep you from eating, does it?

2) I have nothing nice to wear!

Hmmm. In all the likenesses of Jesus I’ve seen, He was in a robe. I am NOT advising to show up in your robe or slippers, but, honestly, that is one poor excuse.

3) I need that time to fix our big family breakfast and lunch.

Oh, you’ll love this answer: Check with the churches for those that are having a big potluck afterward. I don’t think there is a better potluck you can home in on than the diversity of a church potluck. Please don’t be a schmuck, take something to contribute.

4) I am a germaphobic, and I am scared I’ll have to shake someone’s hand!

It’s the year of H1N1 there are bottles of hand sanitizer EVERYWHERE. Call ahead or slip a bottle in your robe pocket.

5) I hate it when the collection plate comes around.

Again, do what you can do. If you ain’t got it, that same church is probably funding community projects to help you!