My deep secret is that I haven’t been invited to any, but I have had five people ask to borrow one of my Christmas Sweaters. One won the contest of the ugliest sweater and got a great prize!

No, I don’t think they are ugly and, yes, I loan them out simply because I would do anything in my power to spread the wonderful Christmas cheer of wearing a festive garment.

I haven’t always been this way. I think it started when I worked at an elementary school.

Teacher’s are the queen’s of dress-up. They have a sweater for every holiday. Kid’s love ‘em. You’ve got it made if you have a cutesy Rudolf sweater — they love you!

Since then, I can’t pass them up. Thrift stores, church rummage sales, garage sales, and after Christmas clearance sales all are good pickin’s for the avid Ugly Christmas Sweater connoisseur.

These parties have become so popular that I have added these sweaters to my mental thrift checklist and plan to stock up for next season so that I can sell them for a big profit!

Along with advertising profits, buyuglysweaters.com sold more than 160 Christmas sweaters last year and has hopes to more than double that total this year. With an average sale of $20 per sweater, that is quite a profit for a garage sale find.

Let me give you a little background  — dangle anything related to fishing in front of Sir and he’ll bite, he wants it, he’s going to use it, he down right NEEDS it — not. Anyway, back to the garage sale: I am at one table, he’s across the yard and I hear, “My wife would kill me!” I look up, see him, the proprietor, and a pile of old wood, nailed together to resemble a boat. I say, “You’re right, I will!”

We are now the proud owner of an antique dinghy.

Lesson 1 — If an item says “Make an offer,” don’t assume it’s going to be too expensive.

Lesson 2 — Play bad cop, good cop. Sir really wanted it, but thought I would be mad at the acquisition. I really thought it was pretty cool, but I played it up. The price kept dropping.

It didn’t take much to make it into a Halloween yard centerpiece that even the snooty neighbors enjoy.

Cost Break Down:

• Boat — $10
• Flag — $0 (old cape and white foam on hand, oh, and an old broken fishing pole that I kept for art projects )
• Pirate — Garage sale find ($1 at the most) embellished with pirate hat shape cut out of same old cape as the flag.
• Spider webbing — 10¢ – bought last year at a 90% off sale at Dollar General.
• Skull and Crossbones on side — Buy one get one 1/2 off sale at ALCO: $3
• Treasure Chest —On hand, I use it for a reward system in child rearing. Bought it at The Antique Mall for 75% of the asking price:  $1.50
• Treasure — Gold paint (on hand) on rocks: free.
• Skulls — Have been through a couple of seasons already but bought at Dollar General 90% sale: 10¢ a piece.

Total Cost: $15.80

Aarg!

Lace dresses, black top hats, Christmas caroling, evergreen boughs, homespun fancy work for gifts, story telling by candlelight, perhaps a game of charades. All of these things are CHEAP!

Let’s do the Victorian breakdown:

• Lace dresses — 25¢ to $5 at garage sales and thrift stores
• Black top hats — Tricky one, but do-able. I found a magic hat at the local thrift store and bought it to put on a snow man, but how easy is it to make one out of construction paper! I’ll allow $1 to $5 for that one.
• Christmas caroling — FREE
• Evergreen bough — FREE; Be sure to ask your neighbor’s permission first!
• Homespun fancy work — I picked up cross stitch kits all summer long to keep me busy this winter, my girls will be fighting over that candlewick pillow! 25¢ to $5
• Story telling by candlelight — I hope you picked up the apple and fall candles at your local Dollar General when they went to 90% off. (I tweeted about it! TWGranE) $1, at the most!
• Game of charades — FREE. Granted a couple of glasses of egg nog would get the party started with the caroling, story telling and charades, so I’ll allow an extra $10 to make it extra spicy.

There you go. An authentic Victorian Christmas full of mirth, family fun and good scents (and cents, and even sense) for $26!

More on Victorian decorations:

GREENERY

Many Victorians could not afford to spend money on decorations. They made their decorations primarily from greenery adorned with ribbons and dried flowers. They signified good luck and the renewal of life, and they warded off evil spirits.

DOUGH ORNAMENTS

3 c. flour
3/4 c. salt
3/4 tsp powdered alum
1 1/4 c water
Bake and set for 24 hrs.

PINE CONE TREES

Glue pine cones to stiff cardboard or inside a decorated shoe box lying on its side. Adorn with small beads, cranberries, glitter — whatever is in your never ending craft drawer!