The Four Seasons of Snow

Folks, some of you are asking me how different things are going that I have written about.  So here are a few updates on weight loss, the most pathetic garden in human history, and how the aviation world became a better place this week. 

The Great Race – both Wayne and I are struggling to lose weight.  We seem to have hit a bit of a wall at the 12-pound mark.  Despite all my hyperbole that described him as starving himself to death, he in actuality seems to be enjoying more food than I.  I really thought that my low-carb approach was going to blow him out of the water.  But we are tied.  Last week I managed to get my daily carb intake down below 15 and my daily calories down to about 1700.  And I haven’t lost a single pound in a week.  On the other hand, Wayne mentioned that he went to the New Dinner Theatre buffet, made his wife a chocolate cake (and I know that he ate half of it), and he went out to eat two more times.  That’s not fair.  I ate pure protein bars and salad.  So today I’m going to do 400 pushups, take a 3-mile run, play racquetball, and eat a piece of tree bark.  If I don’t lose 2 more pounds by my official weigh-in tomorrow morning, I’m removing the first appendage, sending Dr. Atkins a nasty-gram, and having my buddies in the military blow up the South Beach, wherever that is.

Chicken Salad – Part 2 – End of an Era – I’m going to mow the garden this week and put it out of its misery.  I was able to harvest a growth-inhibited zucchini and three micro-cucumbers.  I added up all the money I put in the garden, and then added up my hours invested in planting and nurturing and weeding and tilling, as well as the hours standing over the garden cursing it, and then I multiplied my time by $2 per hour.  It turns out that my total garden production will cost about $275 a pound.  I think I’ll just go to the grocery store next year.

New Airline Rules – I flew Delta this last week because I had to go to Newark.  Southwest does not fly to Newark.  It’s probably because their culture of fun and customer service clashes with the general Newark airport culture of complete and utter rudeness.  Of all the places I travel, Newark is by far the worst in that regard.  They don’t want to help you, and so they don’t.  It’s most bizarre.  It’s like the black hole of rudeness in the entire country, attracting every person in the country who thinks that society owes them a living.  I could go on and on, but it’s highly possible that I would digress. Anyway, I flew Delta.  Passengers on Delta have no clue how to put their bags in the overhead compartment.  This is infuriating and causes me to consider displaying my own level of rudeness, which I have yet to do, but have come close on a few occasions, including this past week. But right at the point when I was about to cross that line, a young lady did it for me, and she is now my hero.  If I could find out her name, I would nominate her for airline passenger of the year.  She took matters into her own hands, and she made her little part of the aviation world a better place, and she has inspired me to make my own aviation world a better  place.

Her boarding zone was something like “5” or “9” or “79”.  I’m not sure.  But she got on pretty much last.  She carried her petite roller bag on the plane and started to look for a place to put it.  There was no place, because the Delta flyers stuff every imaginable thing in the overhead compartment, and they stuff them in every imaginable way.  They are undoubtedly the most geometrically challenged people on the planet.  Sooooo, the young lady assessed the situation, saw at least three small satchels/computer bags stuffed up there, and then, in an act of utter bravery and in a mood of considerable  authority and aggressiveness, she asked who those bags belonged to, and if they would  please put them under the seat in front of them.  No one responded.  And so she took matters into her own hands…………….  This is the honest-to-God’s truth………..  She removed the three bags and just laid them in the aisle.  (As I am  writing this, I am laughing tears, and chills are going down my spine.)  People were looking at her like she just swore at the Pope.  Utter shock.  The fellow beside me then finally spoke up and asked her where he was going to put HIS bag now.  She very smoothly told him to put it under his seat.  (YOU GO GIRL!!!)  And he huffed,…… but he did.  And so did the other two morons.  She turned and sat down.  I was so psyched.  I was on a frequent flyer buzz, a high of retribution I had never experienced.  This young lady had, in one fell swoop, relieved years of built up frustration for frequent flyers all around the country.  

We are forming a new group.  It’s like the Neighborhood Watch of airline travel.  Responsible, informed airline citizens will help flight attendants police the baggage compartments.  If you would like to become a member, all you need is an understanding of baggage rules and a bit of rudeness to help you deal with unruly passengers.  If you do join, you’ll have to spend three days training in Newark Airport, the Mecca of all known aviation rudeness.

See you next week